Couple on IVF journey: Men should speak more openly about fertility issues
Estonian couple Kristi Petolai and Lennart Ruuda are sharing their IVF and fertility journey to encourage more open dialogue about infertility — including among men.
"I wanted to show the man's perspective on trying to have kids," said Ruuda, a journalist who recently published a candid piece on Levila about the emotional and physical challenges couples face when trying to conceive (TTC),
Petolai, a makeup artist and stylist, inadvertently came up with the idea for the story when listening to a podcast about the TTC journey. Realizing it's only ever women who talk about it, she said she wanted to hear the man's perspective too.
"The other half of the story covers our efforts to conceive and the in vitro fertilization (IVF) process," he added.
The couple was unable to conceive on their own for two years. "When other methods don't work, you turn to IVF," Ruuda said.
Petolai described the physical toll of the treatment: swelling, headaches, nausea, abdominal pain and strict post-procedure restrictions.
"After the egg retrieval, you're not supposed to do much for two weeks and just need to take care of yourself," she said. "You constantly feel like you're just living for the next goal, and making long-term plans is impossible."
The injections were particularly challenging mentally for Petolai. "When you still want to keep trying even after miscarriages and pregnancy losses, you'll clutch at every straw and endure whatever it takes," she acknowledged.
The couple has now completed three IVF cycles. "It's like running experiments on yourself, figuring out what you could do differently next time," Petolai said.
Though they haven't yet conceived, Ruuda says their relationship has grown stronger thanks to their mutual honesty and courage to really open up to one another throughout everything.
"It's been painful to watch everything a woman has to go through," he said. "The man's role is very limited here — you're handed a cup, and that's the extent of it."
"Humor helps, even in the hardest moments," Petolai added.
Both emphasized that IVF, while challenging and stressful, is worth considering for those who want to conceive.
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Editor: Annika Remmel, Aili Vahtla
