Kairi Kasearu, a professor of empirical sociology at the University of Tartu, has studied why many young Estonians hesitate to become parents. Her research shows that, contrary to common belief, young people actually value family highly.

"If you look at surveys, young people regard family as very important, sometimes even more than older generations," Kasearu said. What has changed, she explains, is how family is understood.

For some, family means a future household of their own; for others, it centers on relationships with parents or siblings. Kasearu recalled a Western scholar who once said defining family was "like nailing jello to a wall."

Her studies also reveal that broader societal shifts shape these values. In the 1970s, children were often still seen in utilitarian terms — as future workers or as support for parents in old age.

Today, emotional and psychological values drive family planning, with potential parents seeking closeness and prioritizing the chance to give their child the best possible life.

"If a child's value is primarily in the emotional bond, then naturally people consider how many children they can provide that for," the professor explained.

She added that this partly explains why countries that place high emotional value on children tend to have lower birth rates. "Love is limitless, but time is limited," she noted.

When asked why people have children at all, Kasearu said while some do see it as a duty to society, it's "most often out of love for the child."

Biology factors in too, with some motivated by the drive to pass on their genes.

Based on interviews, Kasearu groups young people into three types. First are life-goal seekers, who want to figure out what they want from life before having children. Second are pleasure-seekers, who want experiences and travel but see children as part of self-fulfillment. Third are planners with clear goals about when and how many children to have, and at what age.

But real-world concerns complicate these plans. Economic uncertainty, housing difficulties, climate anxiety and fears of war all weigh on decisions to have kids.

Fewer children despite better living conditions

Interestingly, many more children were born in Estonia in the late 1980s and early 1990s, even though living conditions were worse than today. Now, life may seem better, but birth rates have declined.

Kasearu points to what she calls the "narrative of uncertainty." In the 1990s, Estonians had strong faith in a better future. "It felt like we were building and restoring the Estonian state, which provided a sense of security," she said.

As economic realities set in, that sense of certainty eroded, and birth rates fell.

Living standards in Estonia today could be considered good, she said, yet uncertainty remains high.

"We don't have a clear vision of where the country is headed, and this is reflected in people's decisions," she added.

Education also plays a role. Women with higher education may choose slightly fewer children, but their expectations are more realistic, and they are more likely to reach their goals. Still, desires change over time.

"By age 28, many in my class assumed having a kid was a given, but in reality it got delayed," Kasearu recalled.

Aligning values and lifestyles between partners is increasingly crucial. Today, both partners are expected to contribute equally at home, requiring more discussion and planning than in the past.

Kasearu also emphasized the role of society and the state. "Whether children are valued by society matters," she said. "We can't shame those who don't have kids. But we can create a child-friendly environment."

Her research paints a clear picture: for many young Estonians, having children is about love, connection, and emotional fulfillment — not just practicality or duty. That shift in values, combined with continued uncertainty about the future, helps explain why Estonia's birth rate remains low.

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