The past few years have not been particularly bright for Estonia. Economic recession, rising prices, the war in Ukraine now dragging into its fourth year and uncertainty about the future have all left their mark on people. There is a great deal of tension and anxiety in society. Against this backdrop, the country's low birth rate is especially troubling — a reversal of which is one of the most pressing challenges Estonia faces. This is a question about Estonia's future.

What kind of Estonia will the children we are so eagerly awaiting be born into? What needs to change so that the children we already have, especially those experiencing deprivation and exclusion, can grow and learn in a better environment? These questions cannot be reduced to short-term politics or finger-pointing. Instead, the focus must be on a variety of solutions that together will give families greater confidence and security.

There are plenty of people who want to have children or are thinking about a second, third or even fourth child, but many have put that desire on hold. Children are born when their parents feel they won't be left to cope alone and that they can care for and raise a child properly.

Unfortunately, new warning signs are emerging. Freshly released statistics reveal that the number of children living in extreme poverty in Estonia has increased. Absolute poverty has grown most significantly among single-parent families and couples with one child. A total of 11,800 children — one in every 22 in Estonia — are living in absolute poverty.

These are not just dry facts. Put simply, in every classroom there is at least one child whose family must choose between buying food, paying for extracurricular activities or getting winter boots before the cold sets in. At the same time, the government plans to raise the subsistence level by just €20 next year — an embarrassingly small amount that does nothing to ease the financial strain on struggling families.

Extreme poverty directly affects 11 percent of single-parent households where families are barely scraping by. The price shocks of recent years have effectively wiped out the gains from the sharp increase to the single-parent child allowance introduced at the start of 2023. That increase — from €19 to €80 — was written into law at the initiative of the Social Democrats, ending decades of stagnation in the support rate.

Moreover, there are far too many parents who fail to meet their child support obligations. In such cases, the state's child maintenance allowance system can provide some help, but it first requires going through the courts. As a result, nearly 40 percent of children from separated couples are left without financial support from either the state or the other parent — a situation that is undoubtedly unfair.

Ensuring better wellbeing for families and children also requires access to affordable kindergarten spots, nutritious free school lunches and opportunities to participate in extracurricular activities.

Unfortunately, here too we are seeing setbacks. As state funding for school meals has not increased in years, in some areas parents are now having to cover part of the cost themselves. One of the worst political decisions in recent years, in my view, was the cut to extracurricular education funding — a move that hits children in rural and remote areas hardest. At least one free extracurricular activity or sports program is now far from guaranteed for every child.

Families need shelter

An increasingly serious problem is that many young people simply cannot afford a home of their own, whether to buy or rent, especially in larger cities. As a result, they continue living with their parents or head abroad in search of better opportunities.

It's clear that without a home of their own and a sense of security, family planning falls by the wayside. The solution lies in a comprehensive housing policy that includes affordable rental housing, a faster pace of housing stock renovation and fairer conditions in the mortgage market. Buying a home must not be a lifelong financial risk or an unattainable dream. If it remains so, then thousands upon thousands of children will simply never be born.

For women, having a child all too often means lower pay, a reduced future pension and fewer career opportunities. We cannot expect a higher birth rate if the balance between work and family life continues to fall mostly on parents and especially on mothers. I see a clear need to improve the parental benefit system. The current policy must be amended so that fathers can take significantly longer, full-time parental leave and share in the care of their babies.

Giving fathers a greater role is a step toward more equal partnerships. A child or children should not be seen as "the mother's project" but rather a shared responsibility of the whole family. As long as the bulk of caregiving remains invisibly on women's shoulders, we will never truly have an equal society or equal partnerships.

Healthier families and state

Expecting a child and spending time with a baby can be a wonderful experience, but there are moments when parents may fall into deep exhaustion or struggle with mental health issues. That's why psychological support, postpartum care and mental health services must be accessible to everyone, not just to those who can afford to pay for them.

Improving access to infertility treatment must also be addressed and society needs to speak more openly and empathetically about surrogacy. These issues affect families who deeply want children but need the support of society to make it possible.

Being in a relationship and becoming a parent are not things that come naturally to everyone — they, too, require knowledge and skills that must be learned and developed. That's why relationship and parenting education must be made much more accessible and better targeted, to help people cope with stress and emotional challenges. Domestic violence, where children are often victims as well, must be reduced and can be, even if the path is not easy.

A new generation is growing up whose values will shape the Estonia of tomorrow. There is a troubling divide in the values held by boys and girls — many of which are shaped by social media. Boys are increasingly gravitating toward conservative ideas that reinforce traditional gender roles, while young women tend to lean toward more egalitarian social values rooted in equal partnership.

At the same time, social media pushes an individualistic narrative — life should be lived alone and perfectly, with family seen as a risk rather than a natural part of life. But this doesn't have to be the path forward. Schools, youth work and social media can be used to create more balanced messages that promote cooperation, empathy and mutual care. Young people need role models and a clear understanding that starting a family is not a risk — it is a joy and a natural part of life.

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