Satirical column. What does Estonia's political elite think about today's solar eclipse?
We asked Estonia's top politicians — leaders of the small coalition and the large opposition, as well as would‑be presidential candidates — what they think about the solar eclipse and whether it will bring anything good or bad to Estonia.
What do you think about the solar eclipse taking place on August 12?
Kristen Michal: It's perfectly clear that a conservative octopus is wrapping its tentacles around the Sun, eating it, and leaving us in complete darkness.
Lauri Hussar: We discussed this topic at length in the Riigikogu Council of Elders and reached a consensus that the Sun revolves around the Earth, and when the Moon is between the Earth and the Sun, a solar eclipse occurs. But sometimes it's the other way around, and then of course it's a completely new situation that requires a completely different solution.
Urmas Reinsalu: The prime minister used a metaphor today that an octopus eats the Sun, which is of course a colossal lie, because the solar eclipse is actually the result of this government's unfinished work. I recommend the prime minister resign during the eclipse, because then no one will see where he steps — which is for the best.
Martin Helme: The solar eclipse is the ruling liberal clique's agonizing attempt to fool the people. The deep state naturally enjoys doing shady things in the shadows and later claiming there was no eclipse at all. But mark my words: the days will now start getting shorter.
Lauri Läänemets: Reform Party really chose terrible timing. To hold a solar eclipse at a moment when we should be electing a president, washing floors, sealing windows for winter, establishing a progressive income tax, and planting a thousand roses — it's just poor political practice.
Kristina Kallas: The solar eclipse came as a big surprise to our party, and we will take a position on it no later than early September.
Mihhail Kõlvart: I don't want to hint at anything specific, but think for yourselves: the Sun rises in the east, but the eclipse happens in the west.
Hannes Hanso: When the solar eclipse ends, my friends and I plan to row to the Sun, but since the Sun is quite hot, we'll make the trip at night.
Maive Rute: As I said in interviews I gave to Lääne Elu, Virumaa Teataja, Sakala, Pärnu Postimees, Järva Teataja, Lõuna-Eesti Postimees, and the Coop customer magazine — I am not a person who would eclipse the Sun, but I can eclipse if needed, because I believe Estonia is ready for it.
Tiit Land: Yes.
Ülle Madise: As Chancellor of Justice, I have had to constantly explain that I do not wish to and cannot bind myself to any celestial body or astronomical event. When members of the Riigikogu ask for my consent to watch the solar eclipse, I treat the question with great respect and recommend they use a welding mask.
Indrek Laul: How did I suddenly come to your mind?
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Editor: Kaupo Meiel, Argo Ideon
