Kersti Kaljulaid: Violence begets more violence, no one is born violent

Beating, tormenting, stabbing, mocking, stalking, isolating loved ones, restricting them financially — in short, using any means to impose one's will — is, regrettably, widespread even in societies that see themselves as Western. Estonia is no exception, said Kersti Kaljulaid on Vikerraadio's daily commentary, calling for greater awareness and prevention of intimate partner violence.
Otherwise, polls wouldn't show that as many as 41 percent of women — and 33 percent of men — have experienced violence in intimate relationships at some point in their lives. And that's not even counting all the children who have witnessed it or felt it firsthand. A little boy trying to protect his mother or crying helplessly as he watches the beating unfold. A child who senses that the dominant family member allows no one else a say and somehow things always end up going that person's way.
As many as 18 percent of women have admitted that domestic violence has prevented them from performing at full capacity at work. Five percent have had to take time off to hide bruises or recover from broken bones.
Violence breeds more violence. No child is born violent. Something happens between the cradle and that eventual violent act and that something often takes place within the walls of the home.
You can fight violence with the power of the law, but when it comes to prevention, the strength of the community is more effective.
What do we need for prevention? Knowledge to recognize the early signs — whether in ourselves, in loved ones or in colleagues. The courage to say that something is wrong. In front of a mirror, at school, at work, at home. The skills to step in, doing so safely and effectively.
There is less violence prevention in our country than we'd like. To help change that, the Estonian Midwives Association, with support from the President Kaljulaid Foundation, the University of Tartu and Swedbank's Smart Future Fund, is launching a program for healthy relationships in basic schools.
Colleagues can spot when something is wrong and offer support and help. The workplace is often the only safe place where a victim can seek assistance. If shame didn't stand in the way and if they knew their employer had both the will and the tools to help, they would speak up. Maybe not the first time. But at least the time when they can no longer function properly at work.
Our foundation's initiative, Violence-Free, brings together such employers — good Estonian companies learning about violence sensitivity together and supporting one another on this new journey. These entrepreneurs invest time and money to ensure their employees are safe and productive. In large economies, domestic violence has been shown to cost billions. Each victim, in turn, loses thousands — because they are left without help.
Young people and children must learn empathy, to recognize the feelings of others, to put themselves in someone else's shoes. That way, whether at home, in relationships or in the community, they will make choices that are safe and constructive. Choices that help articulate real problems and find real solutions. If young people know that there is always an adult somewhere who is willing to help, who won't downplay their issues, they won't turn to vigilante justice — whether the issue is school bullying or suspicions of abuse. A young person with empathy doesn't beat someone up because of their looks or to get their way.
The digital environment inevitably reduces real human contact in the developmental years. As a result, society's capacity for empathy declines. Loneliness does not nurture a willingness to cooperate or a belief that our actions matter. To raise citizens who are compassionate, engaged and courageous, we need a school curriculum that fills society's current gap in cultivating such people. A good person is a good person — regardless of what device they use to communicate or whether they live in the analog or digital world.
The Orange Weeks call on everyone who sees cities tinted in that color to reflect on what it means to be human. Am I supportive in my own relationship? Do I believe that might makes right or do I try to find common ground?
Would I call 112 if I witnessed or heard violence?
Do I know how Estonia's support system works for those who one day show up quietly crying in the corner of my church during a sermon? Do I have a way to discreetly offer help when I see that my client has clearly been beaten or is experiencing economic abuse? Have I ever thought to myself, "Well, my upbringing was rough, but look, the belt made me a decent person"? Or do I think, "My parents didn't know better, but I can do better"?
In addition to turning Estonia orange, the Orange Weeks bring art into our urban spaces to help us reflect on and perhaps even cope with these thoughts.
At the President Kaljulaid Foundation, we have always dreamed of a world where both men and women speak out about violence, because it affects all of us. During the Orange Weeks, courageous Estonian men, from the director general of the Police and Border Guard Board to the archbishop, are sharing their thoughts on relationships, safety and what happens in its absence. This opens the door for everyone to reflect alongside them.
Violence, and the fight against it, is not a gender issue. Violence is tragic and harms all of us.
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Editor: Marcus Turovski










